Two months and roughly a 3 lb loss.  A couple weeks off of plan & slacking on the exercise results in a 2 lb loss?  So what do I decide to do now?  Well….

1.  Stop my meds. - I could barely close my pill case when I filled it this past week.  They upped my dosages on my head pills because the depression was getting worse.  The more I take the harder it is to lose weight and the easier it is to gain.  The more I gain/less I lose the more depressed I become.  The other pills result from being overweight.  I’m sick of the cycle.  I weaned myself down for a couple days and now I’m just done.  I’ll take my fish oil (and multivitamin) for “cholesterol” and more for the antidepressant effects it has.  I’m done with the rest.  Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

2.  Exercise more, “learn” to jog - With the meds stopped I’m going to need more endorphins to help fight my head.  So as soon as I get the a-ok from the doctor about my foot I oh so gracefully injured yesterday (probably about two weeks) I’ll get back on that treadmill.

3.  Make smart eating choices again - I’m not sure if I’ll re-up WW when it’s time.  I love the journaling tools and recipes it gives me though, so I haven’t completely made up my mind.

Money’s tight.  Eating right is expensive.  Motivation is low.  Pain is high.  I need a reboot & I’m not sure how to go about it.

I did my weekly weigh in after my “week of vacation*”.  I lost 1/2 an lb, lost an inch on my hips and everything else stayed the same.  This is after DQ, a day of travel food, Anniversary dinner out, Chinese food, not exercising, etc.  REALLY?  So slacking works?  At least very slightly?  

*I say it with some sarcasm because I didn’t go all total crazy like on the food.  I just didn’t watch what I was eating under a magnifying glass for a change or let myself guilt myself too much about exercising.

Also, look for some new diet news from the Costanzicacelli homefront in the next week or two.  Drew and I still have some discussion to do before settling on our plans, but changes are in the works.

I’m taking a week off.  Losing weight, hating my body, regretting every bite that goes in my mouth is taking it’s toll.  I spent most of last night crying over it all; and that’s not what I want.  All the pressure I feel is from myself (well, my mother’s snarky comments are the exception) and it’s making me feel unhealthy in the head.  I have had my head together for such a very short while and I don’t want to jeopardize that.

It wasn’t very fast.  It wasn’t for very long (90 secondsish).  But I did it dammit, and I’m proud of myself.